In the last post we presented the first 4 tips or steps for finding a partner, inspired by the contribution of Dr. Maren R. Stephan in the book “Instructions for Love: 100 practical tips for more love in life.”
The first 4 steps focus on reflection, planning and preparation for finding a partner and building a lasting relationship. Now we will cover steps 6 to 10, which contain practical tips for your search.
Step 6: Make your resolutions come true!
In this step, Dr. Stephan emphasizes that the path is not always easy and that many positive and negative emotions can accompany the journey, but this should not discourage you. Stay hopeful and conquer your fears.
You may not yet feel comfortable taking the initiative to ask someone out, but you can smile and show attention and interest with an open posture and friendly demeanor. Observe how people react to your behavior and learn to recognize whether there is mutual interest or not.
If these steps seem too difficult, you should ask yourself whether you have deeper relationship fears that you need to discuss with someone you trust. These hang-ups can be fear of injury, relationships, closeness, attachment, etc. If this is the case, first concentrate on overcoming these barriers, possibly with professional help (from a priest, therapist, counselor, etc.).
Step 7: Enjoy the process and keep learning
Remember that we are not meant to be attracted to everyone in the world. Through the various conversations you have and the social events you attend, you can learn from each situation, even from embarrassing or unpleasant moments. The people you meet along the way can also become good friends (and can rejoice with you when you do meet the right one).
Keep working on yourself and your relationships so that you develop the ability to actually recognize when the right one comes along and have the confidence to step into it. Don’t forget that God assists us in everything, but it’s also important that we work for what we want.
Developing simple habits like smiling regularly, maintaining good posture, practicing good hygiene, and engaging in physical exercise can help draw others to you and will be internalized over time.
Step 8: Take a risk!
We must remember that risk is part of this process. If you’ve had bad experiences in the past, it’s normal to not want to risk developing feelings for someone if it doesn’t work out as you expect.
Still, every relationship has certain risks and inconveniences, but avoiding these situations will mean missing out on beautiful moments of friendship, affection, and love. Dr. Stephan says it’s important to “make peace with risk” during this time.
Step 9: Do yourself a favor!
If we’re living as true Christians, we should be giving a lot of attention to our neighbor, trying to sacrifice our lives for others as Jesus did. This is clearly a good and holy thing! But living for others doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t enjoy and work on your own personality and development as well.
Something as simple as buying a new piece of clothing, taking up a hobby, exercising, or going to the spa can improve your attitude. Appreciating yourself sends a signal to others that they should value you as much as you do, and it shows balance and stability of life.
It’s ultimately not about looks or money, it’s about the character, attitude and interior life that you are able to share with others.
Step 10: Start the adventures.
Finally, all that remains is for you to get out into the world and be ready for whatever comes.
Keep in mind that these tips are not a list of things that you need to work through or master before you find a partner. Nobody is perfect and the person who falls in love with you will also have insecurities or weaknesses. These tips are designed to help you prepare, so that you’ll more easily meet potential partners. Remember that dating has its ups and downs, but many of these challenges will remain or even be accentuated once a relationship begins.
So go ahead and get out there with your head held high and don’t forget to ask God for His wisdom and divine guidance.
We hope these 10 tips were helpful to you. They were taken from the chapter “Criteria for success in finding a partner” by the author Dr. Maren R. Stephan. She is a psychologist and the managing director of a singles consulting firm. The chapter is in the book “Instructions for Love: 100 practical tips for more love in life” (pages 179-192).
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